Michelle Wolf provided the monologue during the White House Correspondents' dinner held Saturday night.
She began with, "Good evening, here we are at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner; like a porn star says when she’s about to have sex with Trump, let’s get this over with."
While President Trump again skipped the annual event, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was at the head table, and Wolf showed no mercy, saying, "We are graced with Sarah's presence tonight. I have to say I'm a little star struck. I love you as Aunt Lydia in The Handmaid's Tale."
"I actually really like Sarah. I think she's very resourceful. But she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smokey eye."
"Mr. President, I don't think you're very rich. Like, you might be rich in Idaho, but in New York, you're doing fine."
"It's 2018, and I'm a woman so you cannot shut me up. Unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000."
"Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn't gay."
Referring to Trump's absence at the event ... "I would drag him here myself, but it turns out that the President of the United States is the one pu--y you're not allowed to grab."
Veep Mike Pence .. "He thinks abortion is murder. Which first of all don't know it till you try it. And when you do try it, really knock it. You gotta get that baby out of there."
Ivanka Trump ... "Ivanka, she was supposed to be an advocate for women, but she's about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons."
Source: ABC News, FOX News, The Daily Beast, CNN