I've been doing everything I can (I 'googled' for 2 minutes max) trying to find out exactly how this big ass dildo got in my mans bag but I can't find anything.
So here is what I would say if it was a prank...
HAHAHHAHAHA what an awesome prank! The laughter from the whole group. Brad sitting there embarrassed but also knowing this can be resolved with one call to his lawyer father. Guys being guys. For all we know this probably happened on a Saturday. Rude for me to assume anything though so this is what I would write if this was actually our mans pleasure stick...
Why are you traveling with that in your backpack? You know what I put in my backpack when I go on trips? I put anything I may need while at the airport. I don't want to ever shame anyone for self please but dude you don't need that on your flight back to fraternity row! Self control is key you freak.